I don't know, God
It seems everything is confusing now. Holiday is always fascinating, but too much day-off is indeed boring and pointless. A long hard day I had been through makes me want to write this.
For some times, I asked God about a lot of things or may be just tried to awakening him for my suffer -as matter of fact, this suffer is because my own choice.-
In an angry voice I said "I don't know, God"
Not long after I whispered my self: "yes, you didn't know, and that's totally fine. Nobody ask you to figuring out what's going on here neither force you to explain these messy stuffs. The only thing they need is make sure that you are still trying, keep going, and never stop believing. Maybe there is one thing they ask you: eliminate every possibility to give up"
I guess closest people of mine doesn't get the point here. I mean, it's my fault because I didn't share this complete story to them. They think they understand me, maybe they do-maybe they don't. I've got a lot of supports and a fair amount of doubts, still from the same people. and nearly all of those make "this trying" even harder.
I'm wondering why they never let me responsible my fault by my own.
If I say I don't need any of their support, it will be a huge lie.
Not a day goes by that I don't think about these "next job" things. The temptation to complain came every minutes of my time. What I have to say? I've already made certain of what I want and now I'm on my leap (the tough one) to chase them, to pursue them.
I still won't let anybody to discover what I've planned. I just need they trust me one thing: these tiring things don't make me love them and God any less.
because I'm quite sure this truth: "experiencing difficult times is simply mean letting God navigate you to the best place you're supposed to be, while also make you witnessing His perfect Providence right before your eyes" :)
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